As we begin 2018, there is a resolution I want to share in case I can inspire just one reader. My goal is to completely deconstruct the importance of physical beauty in my life.
It’s easy to do this in the way that I view others… we are less critical of other people so it’s easy to search for internal beauty when choosing who we build relationships with.
But for a lot of people, including myself, it seems so difficult to let go of vanity. I need to ask, who am I or even if I am ugly. And 95% of the time I hate what I see in the mirror, so 95% of the time, I am no one. Many days, I literally believe I am unworthy of love and even of my own life. Since grade school my obsession with being beautiful has prevented me from enjoying the gift of life.
Countless times I have cancelled plans because I hate my body and don’t want to be seen by anyone, when what I really wanted was to go and be carefree and not have to think about my appearance. When I ask “who am I”, I should be able to recognize that I first of all have value just because I’m a human, and second, because of who I am inside.
Maybe I deal with this issue to a greater extreme than others, but I think it’s something that we should all consider, because the importance of beauty is imposed on our minds from such a young age. It is so deeply rooted in society that it’s hard to imagine complimenting celebrities on their personalities instead of their looks.
I want to be liberated from the mindset that the outside matters at all. I’ve been so in love with guys before that I’d tell myself, if he got into a burn accident and had scars all over his face and was completely unrecognizable, I would still love him with all my heart.
I deserve to be able to love myself that much – and that’s my goal this year.